The Cult of Perfection (1 of 2 free samples)

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COPYRIGHT
The Cult of Perfection by Cooper Lawrence. Copyright 2008 by Cooper Lawrence.
All Rights Reserved. Sharing not permitted.

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THE CULT OF PERFECTION
Making Peace With Your Inner Overachiever

Cooper Lawrence

For Sandi, my mother and role model


INTRODUCTION

I'm thinking of lobbying for yet another federal reform of daylight saving time. Bringing it forward from April to March just wasn't enough: I need more time in my day. In fact, I would like to change the clocks altogether--but just for us overachieving women who sure could use a few more hours. And you know what? I'd like the makeup counters and shoe departments at retail chains to do their bit, too, and start staying open much later.

I have been an overachiever my whole life. I started working in radio more than twelve years ago, and my very first radio job says it all. I was a deejay on the overnight shift (midnight until 6:00 a.m.) and did weekend shifts, too, but I also drove the station's promotional van, made several appearances a week at bars and clubs and store openings to promote the station and hand out T-shirts, and wrote, produced, and voiced many of the commercials that were heard on the station. I worked an average of 60 hours a week, some weeks more than that.

The next stage of my career was just as busy. I was a traffic and news reporter on morning radio in New York (the number-one radio market); I went to school during the day to receive my master's degree in Applied Developmental Psychology; and at night I produced a second radio show.

Now that I finally have my own radio show (aptly named the Cooper Lawrence Show), nothing has changed. A day in my life looks like this: I spend time finishing my PhD and writing my next book, make regular TV appearances, and fit in meetings with radio and TV producers. Producers are people who make things happen, and I have many of them in my life to make it happen--several for my radio show, several more for TV appearances--and I meet with all of them each day to plan what I will be doing. Running over to Headline News's Showbiz Tonight or another TV outlet to do a segment about the latest celebrity breakup, or to give the psychological spin on why young Hollywood celebs act the way they do, is a normal part of my day. Then I hop a train or jump in a cab to get over to my radio studio. I am on every weeknight doing a talk radio show for three hours, from 7:00 until 10:00 p.m. Then I leave work and, after a quick snack, I get back to writing.
I like to kid myself that in the midst of everything else I get to the gym four or five times a week, but some weeks I only make it twice. Luckily my husband has the kind of career where he is around most days, so we do spend a great deal of time together. In my free time I answer all of the e-mail and MySpace messages I get for the radio show, manage a manicure every now and then, see my friends, fit in a column once in a while at CosmoGIRL!...and you know what? I love every second of it; I would not trade my life for anything.

If you've picked up this book, chances are your calendar is as busy as mine, perhaps even busier. Whole forests of books and articles have been written about people like us, telling us that we do too much and that we need to stop. Well, I am here to tell you that I'm not stopping anytime soon. I don't have kids, so your day is way busier if you do. I am here to tell you that I am in fact offended when psychologists write that being an overachiever is unhealthy, and fail to acknowledge its positive aspects. For many of us it's a fulfilling way of life--it's what makes us happy, and more important, it's what makes us...us. Psychologists who see only problems in our overachieving lifestyle clearly don't know the joy it can bring us. I challenge them to take a less biased look at overachievers: They will see how well many of our lives have turned out, and how satisfying our feelings of accomplishment can be.

The aim of this book is not to tame you or "cure" you of your overachieving impulses. The aim is to give you the tools you need so that your overachieving personality works for you. I am not going to deny that we overachievers face certain challenges: At times it can be stressful and anxiety-inducing to live up to our own high expectations. Sometimes our schedule is so crammed that it feels like things are slipping out of our grasp, or that we're losing touch with our family and friends. And even the most confident overachieving woman has her moments of self-doubt. I will give you practical advice on overcoming these challenges. I will show you how to monitor and ease your stress; manage your time and prioritize your tasks so you don't feel overwhelmed; build real and lasting self-esteem; and always be the one in control. The goal: To be at peace with your inner overachiever.

What you will also get from this book is a better understanding of yourself as an overachiever. What made you this way? Were you born to be an overachiever, or was it how your parents raised you? What motivates you and helps you achieve your goals? And what upsets your equilibrium and makes you feel like you're losing your grip? I'll help you find the answers to all these questions.

In writing this book I interviewed countless overachieving women, who were wonderfully candid about the challenges, hardships, and setbacks they've faced in life, and how they've overcome them. They opened up about what motivates them, what works for them, and what they love about their lives. Reading their stories, you will come to see that you are not alone.

Indeed, you are one of a growing band of women whose calendars are overflowing with appointments and whose résumés make the Yellow Pages look like a pamphlet. We don't chant or wear brightly colored robes or have pictures around our necks of a guru we've never met, but, like a cult, we all share a devotion to the same thing: the quest for perfection. Think of us as a club, or a sorority--a sisterhood of women all striving to be the best at whatever we have chosen to be in life. "Perfection," as we see it, is a state of unsurpassed excellence, and that is the goal of all overachievers. We aim for excellence; we aim to reach the peak of achievement; we aim to be the best in every facet of our lives.

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