How She Really Does It (2 of 2 free samples)

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COPYRIGHT
How She Really Does It by Wendy Sachs. Copyright 2005 by Wendy Sachs.
All Rights Reserved. Sharing not permitted.

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PREFACE (CONT'D)

WHAT WE REALLY WANT

The debate over Stay-at-Work moms versus Stay-at-Home moms is explosive. It strikes at the core of who we are as women and as mothers. It taps into our personal insecurities and unfairly forces us to respond to society's expectations of us both in the workforce and at home. It challenges our priorities and identities, and it sometimes leaves us feeling as if we simply can't win. Even though much has been made about our generation expecting and wanting to "have it all," women today are redefining what "all" means. Definitions of "success" have more to do with job satisfaction and flexibility than with prestige and position. Women want to be respected and compensated fairly in our jobs even if we work three or four days a week at the office. We want flextime, part-time, and job-share to be viewed not as a privilege but as an integral part of the work culture. We want the freedom to amp up when we are ready and to cut back if we need to slow things down.

Because we often learn best through the prism of other women's experiences, I've chosen to share the stories of dozens of Stay-at-Work mothers, both ordinary and well known, who can inspire us and teach us the lessons they have learned along their journey of motherhood. The famous moms I have profiled each have life experiences that make them role models for the rest of us. Yes, many of their lives are privileged and undeniably made easier because they are financially able to afford more help. But all of these women have something special to contribute that makes them real and relevant to regular women. And perhaps what's most important about the "celebrity" mothers is that while they can afford not to work, they choose to work.
We will hear from moms about how to deal with the crunch of work and family; how to assuage the inevitable guilt; how to find the courage to switch careers; how to get what you need, even in an unfriendly family work environment; and how ultimately to find that comfortable work-life ratio we are all hoping to achieve.

For two years I have interviewed and surveyed more than one hundred women. My interviews do not represent a scientific sampling. It's what sociologists call the "snowball" method. I spoke to my friends and friends of friends. I met with working mother groups, and I sent out surveys across the country. I spoke to women on playgrounds and at preschool and even in my pediatrician's office. I talked to women in coffee shops, at dog runs, and at birthday parties. The women I met crossed ethnic, racial, religious, and regional lines. Most are married, and all have college degrees. Author Peggy Orenstein says that "having a college education is crucial to the architecture of the female self." It makes sense that a college education is instrumental in giving women the ability to create opportunities for themselves.
So I wanted to talk to the generation of women who grew up believing that they had a lot of options and that if they went to school, did well, and worked hard enough, anything was possible.

The women whom I interviewed grew up all over the country, but at the time I spoke to them they lived in Portland, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Austin, Minneapolis, Miami, New York and its suburbs, and the Washington, D.C., area. In some instances, at the request of the women I interviewed, I have changed names and major identifying details about their lives. Although my research was not scientific, it yielded thematic results. It is in using these themes that I have structured this book.

For me, this project began as a rather selfish journey. When I started, my son was a toddler. Having endured four months of colic with a baby who sapped all of my energy and missing life in TV news, I was anxious to resume my broadcasting career and to do some interesting work again. I was prepared to work full-time. I was even ready to travel. But two years after I began this project, my son is three and a half, and I also now have an eighteen-month-old daughter. I've found that as my family has grown, my priorities keep shifting. The thought of traveling for work is no longer appealing. The hours of most network TV jobs are equally daunting. I now feel that dropping my son off at preschool and watching him learn how to kick a goal on the soccer field on a Monday afternoon is as important to me as producing a story with NBC's Stone Phillips. I see time racing by, and I want to be able to savor more of those precious early moments. This does not mean that I don't want to work.
It just means that I want to redefine what it is that I'm doing and how I can do it.

I walk away from this book realizing that there is no right or wrong way of satisfying the dual desires of career and motherhood. Similarly, there is no perfect formula and no one-size-fits-all solution because our needs as mothers are not static--they change over time and vary considerably among women. But what I've found is that all of us want more options--various ways to integrate our families with our careers. Women don't have to feel stuck at the intersection of career and motherhood. We need to continue demanding change in the workforce while creating even more opportunities for ourselves. I use the term Stay-at-Work moms because this book is about women who have chosen to stay in the workforce. Yes, most Stay-at-Work moms also financially need their income to pay their bills and afford their lifestyles, but everyone in this book is also working because they want to have a career.
Our careers help define us; they make us feel complete; they enhance our well being and our relationships and give us a more secure financial future. It is my hope that by reading the stories and experiences in this book, moms will find solutions and options for themselves to inspire and empower them in their quest to have at least some of it all--all of the time.

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