A Special Education (1 of 2 free samples)

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COPYRIGHT
A Special Education by Dana Buchman with Charlotte Farber. Copyright 2006 by Dana Buchman and Charlotte Farber.
All Rights Reserved. Sharing not permitted.

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A SPECIAL EDUCATION
One Family's Journey through the Maze of Learning Disabilities

Dana Buchman
with Charlotte Farber

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
http://www.dailylit.com/books/special-education/acknowledgments


INTRODUCTION

ONCE UPON A TIME, I WAS PERFECTLY BEHAVED.

I juggled marriage, a fast-paced career as an emerging fashion designer, and motherhood, all with a perpetual smile on my face and nary a complaint. I lived in a constant state of emergency, barely sleeping at night. I exhibited emotional needs rarely (and grudgingly). I kept my fears and doubts politely to myself. And I never, ever displayed a trace of anger.

I was, in a word, a time bomb.

Then, as if everything I was balancing in mid-air weren't enough, I found out that our eldest daughter, Charlotte, had severe "learning disabilities" that might affect not only her school-work but her ability to function in the real world as well. She turned out to be dyslexic, had trouble counting, couldn't tell a story, moved awkwardly, lacked fine motor skills, and had absolutely no sense of direction.

This is when I started to lose it.

Unless you also have a child with what we've since learned to call learning differences (LD) or other major differences, you can't imagine the impact these issues have not just on your child but on you and the rest of your family. This is what it's like:

It begins with noticing that your little bundle of joy isn't doing everything he or she is supposed to do on schedule according to the baby manual--cause for a first-time parent's total freak-out. You seek out the help of doctors and other professionals, get a diagnosis--and things just get more confusing. You don't know what on earth it all means, whether it reflects on you as a parent, or how to help your child because there is so much vague and conflicting information out there. You continue seeking the help of professionals, spending hours and perhaps lots of money each week at tutors and specialized therapists. In the course of it all, you get stuck in the mind-set of "fixing" your child.

You also endure the heartache of watching your child struggle in ways other children--including your other children--don't, and often publicly. You see your other children grapple with complicated emotions, and you struggle to distribute your attention fairly. You make a lot of mistakes--you have your own learning difference when it comes to understanding LD and knowing how to help your child. And you're constantly flooded with feelings of disappointment, guilt, embarrassment for your child, shame, fear for the future. It's a lot to deal with.

For me, it ultimately had the effect of upsetting my perfectly arranged little applecart. What astounds me now is that this extremely painful and difficult upset turned out to have been a very good thing. It led me to a less "perfect" and more authentic version of myself. I've realized that Charlotte and her LD have been catalysts for my personal growth and my more holistic, positive approach toward life.

If it weren't for Charlotte and the hurdles posed by her LD, I would not have been pushed to the point that I had no choice but to face my tightly contained emotions. It was only through managing Charlotte's LD that I would realize how much help I personally needed, not only with taking care of Charlotte but with things that had nothing to do with Charlotte and her LD, things her LD helped me to discover within myself. I needed to uncover and examine those parts of me that were prejudiced, bottled up, and perpetually anxious.

If it weren't for Charlotte, who wears her emotions and her vulnerability on the outside, unedited, for all the world to see, I might never have learned to express my own feelings. Also, if it weren't for Charlotte, the whole family--my husband, Tom, my younger daughter, Annie, and I--would have maintained very narrow views of intelligence and success. We wouldn't have been inspired by Charlotte's incredible perseverance when the odds were against her or her boundless compassion for others who struggle in life. Nor would we--three Type A go-getters--have learned to slow down and tune in to ourselves and the people close to us through Charlotte's example. What's more, we would have missed out on the closeness we have all gained from going through this eye-opening experience together.

That said, I would be lying if I claimed it was easy. It hasn't been, for any of us. Having LD, having a child with LD, or having a sibling with LD is extremely challenging on many levels and, at times, very painful. But the Buddhists say that pain is your teacher, your friend. It's what brings you to greater awareness in life and, ultimately, to greater happiness, if you're willing to learn from it. And I've been learning that that's true.

For all that Charlotte and I have been through, I now feel more awake and aware than ever before. I am optimistic about Charlotte and her future. She is too. And watching Charlotte has inspired me to appreciate better every aspect of my life--my family, my marriage, my health, and my career success.

I'm still pretty well behaved, but I live less rigidly, and more and more often, I speak up and tell people when I'm angry. Life is a little less controlled, a bit messier--and that's a good thing. It's been a long, bumpy road to where I am now, but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything, and, I think, neither would Charlotte.

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