What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger (1 of 2 free samples)

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COPYRIGHT
What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger by Maxine Schnall. Copyright 2000 by Maxine Schnall.
All Rights Reserved. Sharing not permitted.

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WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER
Turning Bad Breaks Into Blessings

Maxine Schnall

For their beautiful gifts of love and loyalty
and for making me immensely proud of them,
I dedicate this book to my children,
Ilene and Rona.


I was always looking outside myself
for strength and confidence,
but it comes from within.
It is there all the time.

Anna Freud


ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
http://www.dailylit.com/books/what-doesnt-kill-you-makes-you-stronger/acknowledgments


INTRODUCTION: A WAY TO FIND MEANING IN LOSS

This book was shaped by a tragedy that struck my younger daughter seventeen years ago when she was twenty-two. It has taken me all this time to be able to write about that terrible event and the lessons it taught me, as many people have urged me to do. I've always believed that the best books are written simply and truthfully from the heart, and I needed to give my heart ample time to heal before I could share a few powerful spiritual principles that helped me get through the tragedy and transformed my life in the process. I've seen these principles lift many others out of helplessness, depression, and despair brought on by misfortune and transform them into stronger, more loving, creative, and fulfilled people. That's why I know these principles can give anyone dealing with adversity of any kind a way to find meaning and something good in events that seem utterly meaningless and destructive.

My message is that we can all find hidden benefits in any misfortune--if we train ourselves to see adversity in a new light and respond to it creatively. We shouldn't look for "closure" or hope to go back to normal as quickly as possible. Burying the body of a loved one doesn't bring closure, nor does executing a murderer. Quickly replacing a job we've lost or a relationship that has ended isn't the answer either. The plain truth is that when tragedy or crisis strikes, no outside event will fix what has happened, and we can't "go back" to anything. Chasing after those false promises throws us off the track. We have to meet outer change with a fundamental change inside, a shift in outlook that draws upon the creativity inborn in all of us and helps us move forward to a new beginning. With this shift in outlook, we can transform fear, anger, and sadness into a new kind of inner strength that will be a lasting source of peace of mind.
Then, and only then, will we find that every bad break can also be a blessing--a new sense of purpose after the death of a loved one, the discovery of undeveloped talents after the loss of a job, a refreshed appetite for living after a serious illness, becoming a more authentic person after the breakup of a relationship.

I had already finished writing the first chapter of this book and was working on the second when the worst terrorist attacks in this nation's history destroyed the World Trade Center and part of the Pentagon, killing close to three thousand people. Like every other American and most other people throughout the world, I watched the images of the imploding buildings in New York City in horror, shock, and disbelief. I wept when I saw people in flames jumping out of windows to their deaths and people on Ground Zero screaming in pain and terror as they tried to flee.

But then different images of heroism, strength, caring, generosity, and unity among Americans of all kinds began to appear everywhere we looked. We saw brave police officers, firefighters, and rescue workers putting in twenty-hour shifts, risking their lives, many dying, to try to pull people they didn't even know from the rubble. We saw people standing in line for five hours to give blood to the American Red Cross--more than 250,000 pints in that first week. We saw doctors volunteering their time around the clock to tend to the wounded while workers from nearby offices brought chairs to use as stretchers and venetian blinds for splints. We heard about fund-raising drives all across the country that brought in astonishing amounts of money, some of it coming from the piggy banks of little children.
And we applauded the heroism of three passengers on the hijacked United Airlines Flight 93 who joined together to fight the terrorists, causing the plane to crash in a field near Pittsburgh instead of into the White House or the Capitol, thereby saving hundreds of lives at the expense of their own. If ever we needed proof that the worst brings out the best in people, inspiring us to new heights of courage and compassion, and that there is always a saving power within us to help us endure and grow stronger from tragedy, this series of events was it.

This book is for people dealing with any kind of misfortune, great or small, not only for those who have lost loved ones to terrorism. Whatever you experience as a painful event is a misfortune for you, regardless of how someone else might react to it. But there are important lessons about turning bad breaks into blessings that we can all learn from such a monumental tragedy as the terrorist attacks. As the shock wore off a bit and people began to contemplate the meaning of the tragedy, many saw this horrible event as an opportunity to prevent further attacks by addressing the root cause--the hatred of people who thought our nation's use of power in other parts of the world ignored their poverty and oppression. This was a chance for us to put an end to terrorism and create a global safety net, not militarily but with the kind of economic and political development that would result in a worldwide community in which we could all live in harmony.
I was particularly encouraged to hear young people interpret this tragedy as a chance to help others enjoy the fruits of modernization, a chance for their generation to change the world "for real." On a personal level, victims' families and everyone else who felt their pain thought the hidden good in this evil was that it made loving the important people in our lives our highest priority.

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